Nobody can save you but yourself — and you’re worth saving. It’s a war not easily won but if anything is worth winning — this is it.
Charles Bukowski

8/22: plan for the day~~

  • draw and paint tons of fucking mermaid scales
  • go to blick for as many baby canvases as i fuckin want \m/
  • come home and draw and paint and YEAH
  • read n stuff 
  • sit outside and bake bc it’s gonna be like 97 degrees
  • only five more days~~

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Anonymous - don't worry too much about your roommates. remember how busy you are going to be. when I moved into my apt my roommates and I were all let's make food together and do this and do that! but by the time classes start, everyone has such a different schedule that never even happens.

yeah, i know you’re right. i just know that they will probably do it a couple of times at the very beginning of the semester, and it’s just like the possibility of having to deal with those few instances that freaks me out. 


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things~ 8/21
  • i’ve been spending a lot more time reading. i took a trip to the bookstore yesterday and stared longingly at all of the books i have been wanting to read. asoiaf has consumed me. like i have taken my time with them because i literally never want to finish them and live with the characters forever and ever (which might be the case anyway since grrm is taking his sweet time with the last two), but there’s a part of me that wants a break from them to read allllll the things. 
  • so maybe i’ll set a goal for myself to finish adwd by the end of the year. i’m almost finished with affc (lol meaning i have like 350pgs left), so as long as i make time for it this semester, which i don’t typically do when classes are in session, it should be doable.
  • ok enough reading rambles that nobody cares about but i will totally post anyway.
  • i had therapy yesterday, and like half of my appointment centered around planning for the worst once i get back to school and what my options are in the event that i have another major relapse, and the other half was sandy trying to convince me to hospitalize myself and engraining the suicide hotline into my brain by repeating it like ten times. it was a really fun appointment.
  • i’m really anxious about going back and figuring things out with dan. right now is not the fucking time for me to make any big decisions and probably not the best time for me to go through a nasty breakup, but at the same time this month away from him has revealed to me a lot about our relationship and how empty it can be. i’ve been struggling with this since the spring and have continually convinced myself to just wait it out, but it’s almost fall and i still have doubts. that should tell me something. 
  • but i go back IN LESS THAN A WEEK. my stomach hurts i’m so anxious. idk why, it’s just like i feel like it’s going to suck and i’m going to fail at something and just UGH. 
  • i’ve been really nervous about my course load, too. i’m taking 18 credit hours and was scheduled to work 2-3 jobs. i dropped all but one job, which i won’t be starting right away. maybe it’ll be okay. 
  • yesterday someone i know told me that i am their muse 
  • i’m nervous about dinner because i need to go to the grocery first but i don’t wanna. uGH
  • i stayed up until like 4am last night which is actually unheard of for me. and woke up at 10am. who am i. 
  • i need to go back to that lady i started painting last week but i’m frustrated with her and lazy and blah.
  • i do think i’m going to go buy a ton of little canvases and do a series of some sort. i can’t get the idea of like ladies of the lake out of my head for some reason. or maybe like nymphéas/water lilies. 
  • little jack came into my room and asked if i could teach him how to paint :3 maybe we can paint something together and i can hang it up.
  • okay i’m done rambling about absolutely nothing. 
I think I finished her last night??? There’s still some things I want to go back in and fix once she dries (her hair and hands, for instance), but for the most part she’s ready to hang 🎉
Coconut overnight oats topped with banana slices, a white flesh peach, regular PB and chocolate coconut PB, and a sprinkling of unsweetened coconut.


sorry i cant hang out with u today i have to catch up on my crying


"I see everything…"
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